C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
