I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
