Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
