Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
