I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
