Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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