Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She is in my trunk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
