There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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