I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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