Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
