I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
