God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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