i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
