Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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