Me. At least after what I've been through.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
