Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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