I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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