Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
