can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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