just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
