1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need water and some morals
Randomize
