Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just pee around me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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