mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
