he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
