That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
