Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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