I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
