Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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