This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
