What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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