She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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