I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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