I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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