And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
