I looked at my own cervix.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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