Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
