How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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