Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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