i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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