I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Panties = found
Randomize
