are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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