how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
