Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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