worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
