So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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