he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
