woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is wine microwaveable?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
