SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
