Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
