I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish i was in the wii world.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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