the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
