just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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