I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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