Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
