Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize