I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just had sex on a roof
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
