best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
