the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize