We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize