Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
