He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
