the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
