I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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