you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
