I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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