very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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