Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
