went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize