OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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