If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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