i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
